i wish i was a neutron bomb, for once I could go off. - eddie vedder

Monday, May 09, 2005

I suck at blogging

Gina (the blog entitled Meet Virginia in my “blogs” column to the right) as rightly pointed out that I am obsessive kind of person. Not that I am really clean or anything that you commonly associate with one who is obsessive, but I tend to become obsessed with certain hobbies (aka addictions) for a certain time period and then drop it for months at a time. Take video games for instance. I could go on a kick for video games and play them 15 hours a week for a month or two, and then resign and not play them at all for 6 months. I am weird like that. For those of you who have been reading my blog you may realize now that I was on a blogging kick from January through march, and had a great time, but as of late I have felt little drive to get out there and do it.

I am not sure what I wrong with me, and I kind of feel that this is who I am. Is it a bad thing the way I obsess? Someone once asked me if I finish things that I start, and the answer to that is yes, I do. The problem with many of the things I take up is that the only finishing point for the activity is death. I will never finish blogging. I can go from theme to theme, but never will I have completed my blog. The same goes for video games. I may go from game to game but I have never gotten to a point where I succeeded and finished video games. It is tough but I just want to write an excuse as to why you haven’t seen me on here for a week. Truth is I am pooped. But tomorrow is another day and with it comes a new addiction for me. Maybe it will be one that calls me back to this little cyberspace that has been my passion for 4 months.

*

God, not sure where to go from here. You know my heart. I have had a great time with this, and look forward to doing it some more. Give me a passion to do it, and if not, for something that changes me every day. I have enjoyed this time blogging with you very much so far, and I look forward to seeing where you take it from here.

Monday, May 02, 2005

Treasure Hunt

Matthew 19:27 – Then peter said to (Jesus), “We’ve given up everything to follow you. What will we get out of it?”

*

Here’s a reality that I don’t live in. There are rewards in heaven for the way we live our life on earth. Actually I am quite surprised by Jesus’ response to this question. If I were JC I would have explained to Peter that the joy of serving the Lord is joy enough for him. I would ask him to stop grumbling, because he is working for the Lord. But of course this is nothing like what Jesus says.

I was surprised to read that Jesus explains to Peter at some length that he can count on treasures in heaven for every good act he does. But how can this be. Is it ok to have selfish heavenly motivation? Can I give to others and rejoice in the heavenly rewards I will have? Is this what Jesus intended? I am not sure if I have taken this too far but I want to live in the heavenly treasure reality. I want to start laying them up for myself. I have never really thought about them in regards to my Christian walk. I always knew that treasure awaited me in heaven, but I want to be anxious for it because it appears that this is what Christ encourages us to do.

Of course I am reminded of another of Jesus sayings. On a couple of occasions he said about the arrogant that they have their reward in full. So I see that if I am not careful with my pride I may not be able to look forward to the treasures that await. What a catch 22.

*

God, help me to strip down my pride and arrogance. I want to live anxiously awaiting the treasures I have stored up and the treasures I will store up. I realize that this is a focus for ministry, not the focus. Pleasing you will still be first in my heart. Help me to make sure of that. Tonight and tomorrow as I live my life, remind me of the treasure principle, and help me to set up a pattern that turns into a lifestyle that lives in ready expectation for the rewards you will pour out on me in heaven. I love you Lord.